Sometimes, it is hard to be grateful.
There are mornings when I wake up feeling depressed, empty, uninterested and crabby. Nothing has necessarily gone wrong that morning, but I do not feel excited about the day ahead.
During those moments, my mind immediately notices what is missing. I think about my problems, disappointments and the parts of my life that have not developed as I hoped.
I forget the statistics of my own life.
By “statistics,” I mean the facts that remain true regardless of my mood: the things I have, the opportunities I have received and, most importantly, the people in my life. I forget about my family, my relatives, my few close friends and the world I am still able to experience.
My mother has always told me to be thankful every day. For a long time, I did not completely understand the point. Why deliberately practise gratitude? Should it not happen naturally when something good occurs?
I am beginning to understand that gratitude is not simply a reaction to a good day. It is an attitude we must consciously maintain, especially on the days when being thankful does not come naturally.
What Does It Mean to Have a Grateful Attitude?
A grateful attitude is the habit of recognizing what is still good, meaningful or valuable in our lives.
It does not mean believing that life is perfect. It does not require us to ignore our problems, suppress sadness or pretend to be happy when we are not.
Gratitude gives us a more complete view of life.
When I feel discouraged, my mind can make one problem appear to be the whole story. Gratitude reminds me that the problem is real, but it is not the only thing that is real.
I can be worried about my career and still appreciate my family. I can feel uncertain about the future and remain thankful for a safe place to sleep. I can be unhappy with one decision while recognizing that I still have another opportunity to make a better one.
Gratitude and sadness can exist at the same time.
Remember the Statistics of Your Life
When I am in a bad mood, I tend to forget the ordinary facts of my life.
I have people who care about me. I have a family, relatives and a few genuine friends. I have food, shelter, knowledge, skills and access to opportunities that many people never receive.
I can read, learn, write, work, take photographs and communicate with people on the other side of the world. I have experienced different countries and cultures. I have survived difficult periods that once felt impossible to overcome.
These facts do not disappear because I wake up feeling crabby.
Remembering them does not mean comparing my suffering with someone else’s or telling myself that I have no right to feel bad. It means correcting the incomplete picture created by my mood.
I may not have everything I want, but I am not starting with nothing.
Notice the People Who Remain in Your Life
The most important reasons for gratitude are usually not possessions. They are people.
Family members can become such a familiar part of daily life that we begin to take their presence for granted. We assume there will always be another conversation, another meal together or another opportunity to express our appreciation.
But time with people is never guaranteed.
I want to appreciate my family while they are here. I want to remember the relatives who have supported me and the few friends who have remained genuine.
I may not have a large circle of friends, but gratitude reminds me that the quality of a relationship is more important than the number of people I know.
Research has repeatedly connected strong social relationships with health and well-being. A major review published in PLOS Medicine, covering 148 studies, found that people with stronger social relationships had a greater likelihood of survival than those with weaker connections. This does not mean relationships solve every problem, but it demonstrates how meaningful human connection can be. Read the social-relationships study.
Maintaining gratitude means recognizing people’s value before their absence forces us to see it.
Start With Something Small and Specific
Telling myself to “be grateful” can feel vague, particularly during a difficult morning.
It is easier to identify one small and specific thing:
- The coffee I am drinking
- A warm room on a cold morning
- A message from someone I love
- A meal shared with my family
- A book waiting to be read
- A photograph that preserves a memory
- The opportunity to try again today
These things may appear ordinary, but ordinary does not mean unimportant.
Gratitude feels more honest when I identify something real instead of forcing myself to make a grand statement about how fortunate I am.
One sincere reason to be thankful is enough to begin redirecting my attention.
Create a Simple Gratitude Routine
Gratitude becomes easier to maintain when it is connected to a regular routine.
I do not need to write several pages in a gratitude journal every morning. I can begin by naming three things:
- One person I appreciate
- One ordinary comfort I enjoy
- One opportunity I still have
At night, I can ask myself a different question: What was one good moment today?
It could be a conversation, a completed task, a good meal, a photograph or a few quiet minutes with a book. The goal is not to convince myself that the entire day was wonderful. It is simply to notice that something good existed within it.
A well-known experiment by psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough examined the effects of regularly recording blessings instead of difficulties or neutral events. Some participants who focused on gratitude reported improvements in well-being, although the results differed across the studies and measures. Read the original gratitude study on PubMed.
More recently, a 2023 systematic review and meta-analysis examined 64 randomized clinical trials involving gratitude interventions. Overall, the researchers found associations with better mental health, more positive emotions and fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression. The effects were generally modest and varied across studies, so gratitude should be considered a helpful practice rather than a cure.
Express Gratitude Instead of Only Thinking About It
Gratitude becomes more meaningful when I turn it into action.
If I appreciate someone, I can tell them. I can send a message, call them, offer help or spend time with them without constantly looking at my phone.
I do not need to prepare a long speech. I can simply say:
“Thank you for being there for me.”
“I appreciate what you did.”
“I am grateful that you are part of my life.”
Expressing gratitude benefits the other person, but it also forces me to stop and recognize what they contribute to my life.
If I am grateful for an opportunity, I can use it well. If I am thankful for my health, I can make better choices. If I appreciate my ability to learn, I can open a book and begin reading.
Gratitude is strongest when it influences the way I live.
Stop Comparing Your Life With Everyone Else’s
Comparison makes maintaining a grateful attitude difficult.
Online, I constantly see people who appear more successful, financially secure, productive and adventurous. I see careers advancing, businesses growing and families travelling.
What I usually do not see are their worries, debts, arguments, insecurities and disappointments.
When I compare my complete life with another person’s carefully selected presentation, my own life can easily appear inadequate.
Research suggests that social media’s relationship with mental health is complex. It is not automatically harmful, but how we use it matters. A systematic review of social comparison on social media found that upward comparison—comparing ourselves with people we perceive as doing better—was frequently associated with poorer mental-health outcomes.
Gratitude brings my attention back to my own path. It reminds me to evaluate my life according to what matters to me instead of constantly measuring it against someone else’s achievements.
My life does not need to impress other people before it can be meaningful.
Use Photography to Practise Gratitude
Photography has taught me that something meaningful can be found in an ordinary scene.
A familiar street can become interesting when the light changes. An everyday moment with family can become precious after it has passed. A simple expression, reflection or shadow can become the subject of a memorable photograph.
A camera encourages me to slow down and pay attention.
This is one reason photography can help me develop a grateful attitude. It allows me to preserve moments I might otherwise overlook. It reminds me that I do not always need an expensive trip or dramatic event to find something worth appreciating.
As I wrote in my reflection on whether photography is art, photography is partly about choosing what deserves our attention.
Gratitude works in a similar way. The difficult parts of life remain in the frame, but I can also choose to notice the light.
Learn From Difficult Experiences
Gratitude is easiest when life is comfortable. Its deeper value becomes visible when life is difficult.
I do not need to be thankful for every painful event. Some experiences are unfair, harmful or deeply disappointing. Pretending otherwise would be dishonest.
However, I may eventually recognize something that developed because I lived through the experience: greater patience, clearer priorities, better judgment or a deeper appreciation for the people who helped me.
Sometimes the lesson does not appear immediately. Gratitude may come months or years later.
This connects with my reflection about life at 40 and changing direction. I cannot change everything that brought me here, but I can decide how I respond and what I carry forward.
Gratitude Is Not a Treatment for Depression
There is an important difference between occasionally waking up in a bad mood and experiencing persistent depression.
A gratitude practice may help redirect my attention during a difficult morning, but it is not a replacement for mental-health care.
If feelings of emptiness, sadness or loss of interest continue, become severe or interfere with daily life, it is important to speak with a doctor or qualified mental-health professional. The Government of Canada provides information about depression, along with a directory of mental-health support services across Canada.
Seeking help is not a failure of gratitude. We can appreciate what we have and still need support.
How I Am Learning to Be Thankful Every Day
I finally understand my mother’s advice more clearly.
Being thankful every day does not mean waking up joyful every morning. It means refusing to let a temporary mood make me forget the complete reality of my life.
I will still have difficult mornings. I will still feel crabby, discouraged or uninterested sometimes. Gratitude will not make every problem disappear.
But I can pause and remember the statistics of my life.
I can remember my family, relatives and few genuine friends. I can appreciate the roof over my head, the food on my table, the books I can read, the photographs I can create and the opportunities I still have.
I can acknowledge what is wrong without forgetting what is right.
That, to me, is how to maintain a grateful attitude: not by pretending that life is perfect, but by deliberately noticing that even during difficult days, something valuable remains.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I maintain a grateful attitude every day?
Begin with a small routine. Identify one person, one ordinary comfort and one opportunity you appreciate. Try to be specific rather than simply telling yourself to “be grateful.”
Can I be grateful and still feel sad?
Yes. Gratitude does not require you to deny sadness, disappointment or frustration. It helps you see that difficult feelings and valuable parts of life can exist together.
Does keeping a gratitude journal work?
Research suggests that gratitude exercises, including journaling, may produce modest improvements in well-being for some people. Results vary, however, and gratitude journaling is not a substitute for professional mental-health care.
What should I write in a gratitude journal?
Write about specific people, experiences or ordinary comforts. You could record one good moment from your day, something someone did for you or an opportunity you still have.
Why is it sometimes difficult to feel grateful?
Stress, depression, disappointment, fatigue and social comparison can direct attention toward problems and perceived shortcomings. Difficulty feeling grateful does not make you an ungrateful person. Sometimes it means you need rest, support or time to recognize what remains good.
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